10 Things Men Want From Women

Yes Ladies. It is the men's turn. So grab your pen and pad and take notes. I surveyed a vast array of men, from different social economical backgrounds, ages, and professions. If you've ever thought all men want from women is sex; you are probably right; depending on which man you ask. One thing I found was that younger men, had sex at the top of their list while older men had things such as communication, independence and confidence at the top of their lists. After tallying up the top ten things men want from women, this is what I came up with. Keep in mind that this is a combination of all the responses that I received.
1. Great sex. Yes ladies sex was at the top of the majority of responses I received. Larry states that men are visual and want to have something good to look at; eye candy if you will. He states that once a man and woman become a couple that women stop doing the things that they did that caught the man's attention in the first place. Such things as dressing sexy and keeping themselves up is important to them. He also stated that women need to decipher the difference between dressing sexy and dressing whorish. Although men are visual creatures, there is no chase when there is little left to the imagination. He concluded, "If a woman dresses like a whore, that's just what I am going to treat her as." Will says, "I don't know about any other, but I happen to love Fredrick's and Victoria's Secret. A woman in lingerie is sexy as hell to me. It shows that she can still be sensual and feminine no matter how the sex ends up. Most women start off wearing it at the beginning of the relationship then a few months later, come to bed with sweats and a head rag. I don't want to see that!" Tim goes on to say, "Sexy is the product of a number of the above traits such a intelligence, adventurous and creative. Being sexy is 95% state of mind and 5% aesthetics."

2. Confidence. I found this one a little bit surprising. Not that men wanted this, but that it was at the top of many men's list. Why was I surprised? Well because, men will say that they want a confident woman but some tend to be intimidated or even angered at a self assured woman. But hey, I'm not a man, so what do I know? Vincent wrote that he wanted a woman that had a positive sense of self, because this way she doesn't need confirmation from her man and her confidence brings spice to the relationship. Shabazz said, "I wish they would lose their attitudes." Tim says that he wants a woman "that is confident in who she is and how she looks." and "I want a woman that is an independent individual in the sense that she has her own activities and hobbies that she can do on her own. She should choose these things because she wants to do them, not because someone tells her to. A couple is the union of two individuals. (Keyword: Individual)."

3. Spiritual. Now this one surprised me the most. Almost every man said they wanted a woman that was spiritual and/or had the fear of God. Again, why did this one surprise me? Because I rarely hear men talk about a woman being spiritual, and God, spirituality or religion. But it is number three on the list. Things that make you go hmmm. Larry stated, "I want a woman that is God fearing because without God, nothing is possible.

4. Trust. In talking to men I've found that they want someone that they can trust no matter what the situation is. They said that if that trust is broken, no matter what that woman does or how much time goes by, they will never trust her again, even if they tell her they will. Patrick wrote, "I don't want be surprised by anything. I want her to be upfront about her financial situation as well as her past relationships." Andrew stated, "No matter how much a man denies it, he wants his woman to be his best friend, and without trust, that cannot happen."



5. Affection. Ladies, yes, it is true. Men want affection just as much as we do. Larry stated, that women constantly crave affection, "but fail to give it. I want her to show me some affection too." Patrick writes, "I have a wife and kids. I believe that couples, married or not, should set aside some together time, where they can be alone to communicate and build friendship and trust."

6. Goal Oriented and Ambitious. Pat says, "I think that both parties should allow goals to be established, short and long term." George writes, "She should have determination and a will to succeed." When asked, Tim stated, "I want a woman who strives to grow and continues to learn." Vincent tells me that, "I have my own thing and she must have hers. I don't want her consumed or shadowed in what I do. We can grow from getting involved in each other's dreams. We survive by pushing each other to our goals and supporting each other in our endeavors. I am attracted to someone that can set a goal, go after it and try to accomplish it."

7. Sense of humor and good conversationalist. These two pretty much came in at a tie. For Larry, "It's always good to have someone you can talk to about anything." George agreed with Tim who says, "I like when a woman is amusingly clever. In my book, there are few things that are more pleasing than a woman's laugh...and one who can make me laugh." John adds that, "everyone is always so serious. I'm serious at work and running my business, when I come home or when I spend time with my lady, I want my load lightened, I don't want her adding to it."

8. Financially stable and gainfully employed. Or at least be honest about their situation. Pat tells me that, "Couples should be clear on financial status and short falls. If one is less financial savvy than the other, they shouldn't be criticized. George simply states, "she must have a J-O-B." Shabazz feels, "She should be financially stable and willing to meet me half way with finances." Allen told me, "It's not a big deal that she may not be a financial guru with a perfect Beacon score. If she has potential and is willing to learn, that is a plus. Sometimes in relationships both parties are not good with money, and they offset each other. One can handle the finances while the other can handle another financial task."

9. Spontaneity. I loved this one. The majority of the men I surveyed pretty much wanted the same thing when it came to spontaneity. Joe said, "I hate when everything is planned. It all seems so mechanical. I like when she's down for doing something on the spur of the moment." James added, "When a woman can appreciate something done on impulse; now that is sexy to me." Tim told me he adores a woman, "Who is not afraid to try new activities, foods, etc." Al says, "As a relief from the hustle and bustle of my career, I want to know that if I call my lady and tell her to pack and overnight bag, that I won't get the third degree. I want to know that if we are enjoying a relaxing sunset on my back patio and the urge to make love strikes, I don't want inhibitions spoiling the moment."

10. Intelligence. Michael laughs as he tells me, "I find an intelligent woman very sexy, I don't care how she looks. If she can peak my interest and keep up with me and even give me a run for my money, she's got me." Tim feels "Intelligent doesn't necessarily mean a college degree. I happen to know some dumb people with degrees." Vincent adds that a "Relationship should be intellectually stimulating as well as challenging."

There you have it ladies. Keep in mind these are only the top ten out of all that were surveyed. Some other things that did not make the list were: loving, stylish, flexible, positive, love, encouragement, support, giving, understanding, a good cook, patience and mental intimacy.

Often times, we as women try to read men's mind, but fail and they don't often tell us. When I sat down and had a conversation with a few of the men I surveyed and others that were not included, I found that men are not much different than we are. However, the battle of the sexes gives us the inclination that men and women should feel differently about the same things. This is a fallacy. Men like to be chased just as much as they like to chase. They want to feel wanted just as much as we do. In a conversation with a dear friend whom I will leave nameless he confided in me, "I flirt with her all the time, and she brushes me off. She never flirts with me. The women at my firm flirt with me, and most times, I wish it was my lady." Ummm sisters, if your man is starving for your attention, and you're not giving it to him, but the sister at work is... Need I say anymore.

"Yolanda, one thing that irritates me to no avail about women is when they bring up the past, or when they compare me to past relationships. I am not that last guy. Don't look for me to do what he did. I think it's unfair and shows signs of immaturity." Now women, some of us have to admit, there has been a time or two when you're arguing with your man that this has come up. This is a definite no, no.

I must say that I thoroughly enjoyed this project. I enjoyed the conversation with the various men and even learned some things in the interim. Some of the things, I already knew.

I would like to thank all the men who participated in this project. Stay tuned for our year end relationship finale as I am joined by AMAG's owner, James Lisbon and company as we "banter" the battle of the sexes.


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Online!by Yolanda M. Johnson
10 Things Men Want From Women